Lies You'll belive when you start watching p•rn
 | ... and this is one of the reasons i said i'm not watching p• rns again, and i don't think i regret it. |
The porn industry has so made somethings look like its normal, gush!
Some couples ended up trying anal $£* seeing the ease at which its done only to find out its much more than just that, lets dig in to my main dish.
Lies you'll get when you watch p• rn
1. Having shower $£* without drowning and/or dying. If you try to have oral $£*, you'ld surely drown in a waterboarding situation. If you try to have penetrative $£*, one of you is going to fall and hit the shower door and the other one will spend the rest of the day making sure the other doesn't have a concussion. It truly does go downhill fast.
2. Having $£* while standing up without constantly having to re-adjust because it is not working and you know this. Your heights are never really that compatible (What is the right height for this?!) and you'll try to put on heels to see if that will help and it kind of does, but then your center of gravity is off and you're more worried about falling than cuming. Skip.
3. Having $£* in the ocean without water rushing into your VG like an avalanche. And his p€n** is not helping matters. It's like one of those turning wheel things that just shoves more of it in there and then oh, hello, yeast infection!
4. Having $£* up against a wall. Good luck doing this without hitting your head so many times, one of you passes out and the other one has to drive the other to the hospital. Plus, you have to pay someone to fix the damage your head-sized dent in the wall or else face the wrath of people who come over asking what happened and you have to be like "$£*ual injury?"
5. Having $£* on a countertop. You will knock over that blender and spend the rest of the $£* time cleaning up glass. You just will.
6. The Entire 69 Position. No one has ever successfully done this and you can't tell me otherwise. Even if you get the positioning right, at some point you're going to become too wrapped up in receiving to give and it's nobody's fault.
7. Trying to dirty talk without sounding like you're in a bad foreign language p• rn. Even if you love listening to dirty talk, the second you try to use it you just sound like a 13-year-old trying out curse words mixed with weird body part slang. Not hot.
8. Rolling around in bed without having your hair turn into a gigantic rat's nest that birds could live inside. but its true, only it doesn't happen in p• rns. Before the game she's like "man, my hair looks great", and after the deed its, "this is a pile of hay" in 10 minutes flat. And there is no deep conditioning rinse that can solve it. Gush, having sticky *** all over your hiar...
9. Having $£* in your car. For a few minutes, it's completely hot. You feel like you're 16 again, until you realize there are gear shifts and arm rests, and even if you move it to the backseat, you're not sure how much leg strength you have, but one of you might kick out the back window, and honestly those repair costs are just not worth it.
10. Having $£* on the beach. Oh yeah! You're both mostly n¤k£d anyway and the wind is blowing and you smell the salt water and pfft, you have sand in your mouth. No, no, you got it. OK. Ugh, now you have sand in your *** and it's migrating to your ***, and seriously, who does this?! Let's just go back to our hotel room. This sucks.
11. Anything that involves splaying your legs. How hard could it be to do a split during $£*? Not that hard. Let's just get down here real quick. Ahh! Ahh! Nope. I'm not a $£* gymnast. Not everyone can take that so, its a no.
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credits - cosmopolitan
I Love to Write, and I Enjoy Music. I love to enjoy my fun life; A little bit of Sarcasm and A little bit of Geeky stuff.
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